I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Randomize
