He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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