We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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