sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
