i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
