Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
