Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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