doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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