I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
