dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
