Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Shitshow foam night was such a success
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
