I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
