Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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