Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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