And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
