wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
