Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
