Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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