Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
