my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
