my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
