and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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