non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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