first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
