I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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