Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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