dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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