I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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