yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I want to walk on stilts...naked
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
