Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
