I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
