i think my tv is drunk
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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