I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
