Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You may now shotgun with the bride
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
