I didn't shave. On purpose
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
