Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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