wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Two words: nipple clamps
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