I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
