it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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