I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
