I am puke
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
