did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I will die if light touches me.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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