I could have mohawked her pubes.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
