Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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