I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
