I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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