i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Randomize
