Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
