I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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