I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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