my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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