"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
