I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
